that damn dog

So it may seem strange but I am related to a child, Rachel, that is this cute:

It is entirely possible that I share no common genetic material with Rachel and from the looks of it that seems likely. There is not way to truly capture how incredibly adorable this child is but this picture comes close. My brother-in-law Jordan can’t ever say no to Rachel and when he told me that they only thing I thought of was how does Sarah (Rachel’s mother) ever say no? I always wondered how do some kids get so spoiled, well I have the explanation right here in one photo. There is no way that if she asked me to buy her that pretty pink car for her that I would even hesitate to say no. I might wonder what a two and a half year old needed with a car but such thoughts would be banished from my head the moment she looked up at me with her freakishly large eyes. God speed Jordan, God speed.

Go Titans

I was looking forward to reading and analyzing the draft to the nth degree when it happened but alas I was on a fricken plane at 6am that sunday headed to California and left the house before the paper got there (so depressing).  Anyway this is really the first chance I have had to read up on what happened and I have got to say I think we did ok.  I think Young is our guy and anyone who disagrees just set your cable box to ESPN classic and wait for last year’s rose boal to be played, on a field of college all stars he stood out and carried the Texans to victory.  Ladell White, he could be good but I am really concerned that we may have drafted the slightly crazier running back version of Pacman, but in this case we drafted him when he was injured and overwieght, then again he could be the second comming of Eddie Georger (the young productive years).  Our next picks weren’t till the 4th round so really whether this is thought of as a great draft won’t be known until we find out how good Young and White are at the next level and that could be two years or so.
I have also learned we have had a bit of a tiff with Steve McNair and the ravens (purposefully not capitalized).  The man is currently due $23 mil if he get injured on company time so obviously there is no way in hell he is getting in the building until we get that worked out.  If he sees that as an insult that sucks but how devastating would that be if we had 20% of our salary cap tied up with one player?  We would have to cut everyone else on offense and sign the Vandy offense at day labor wages in order to get under the cap.  Last season he sucked, I am sorry but there were a couple of games early in the season where Steve had a chance to win it for us on the last drive but choked and pretty soon the season was a bust.  If he wants to leave fine, I think Steve is following the Eddie George ‘How to end your career gracefully’ book of wisdom.  Two years from now he is going to be in the booth announcing Titans preseason games.

Go Titans

A few friends and I went to the Durham bulls home opener yesterday and it was a great time. The game started with JJ Redick throwing out the first pitch, and game ended with a two out walk off grand slam that provided the Bulls a one run victory. There were cute kids in the stands, fake breasts rubbing up against thier sugar daddies and warm beer in many hands. Afterwards there were fireworks and bars. Really it was all that Americana had to offer.
What marred the evening for me was there was a reporter from the CBS morning news was constantly wandering the stands with a TV camera asking anyone who would look his direction if they would give an interview. Naturally most were interested in being on TV but the catch was that they had to say that they came to the game to find relief, if only for a few hours, from the Duke Lacrosse controversy. To many people’s credit upon learning of the caveat they told the reporter to go fuck himself (or go away, I am not good with reading lips). But of course there was one person among the 11,500 people in attendance who would be willing to give an interview and say whatever the reporter wanted him to say. If ever there was an advertisement that the news to manufactured rather than reported this was it. Anyway, please join me in my boycott of CBS news.

Go Titans

I wish I could make up stuff this crazy, I would suggest reading this after eating:

In Waynesville, a small county seat in the mountains of western North Carolina, people whispered about the three older men who lived together south of town.

They were lovers, and there were rumors that the trio had turned a room in their house into a dungeon where they filmed sadomasochistic sex scenes — and then posted them on the Internet.

Someone asked the local sheriff to investigate the men, but his officers determined their activities, although unorthodox, were perfectly legal.

Last month, however, the men were arrested on charges that shocked the community.

Authorities say they performed castrations and other types of genital surgeries on at least six people. Detectives searching the home found bloody scalpels, syringes, and prosthetic testicles in a room the men referred to as “the dungeon.”

Officers confiscated a video camera apparently used to record the procedures, as well as scores of CDs and computer files. They also seized a Tupperware container from the kitchen freezer holding what appeared to be human testicles.

The suspects acknowledged performing surgeries, but they told investigators that the procedures were completely consensual and that the men who requested the operations traveled long distances for the procedures.

The defendants — Richard Sciara, 61; Michael Mendez, 60; and Danny Reeves, 49 — are due in court this week for a probable cause hearing. Each is charged with five counts of felony castration and five counts of conspiracy, as well as eight counts of practicing medicine without a license. They remain in jail in lieu of $150,000 bail.

Michael Mendez

The arrests on March 30 of Sciara, a retiree, and Mendez and Reeves, both workers at the local Indian casino, astounded many in Waynesville, a town of about 10,000.

“It’s pretty much disbelief. Surprise and disbelief and disgust,” said District Attorney Michael Bonfoey.

The castration law, a rarely used statute that dates back to the common law of colonial times, does not allow consent as a defense, the prosecutor said.

Still, the question of why a man would agree to castration by medical amateurs remains the most perplexing issue in the case.

Although Sciara had worked for two decades at a Kansas veteran’s hospital, he was never licensed and the other men had no known medical training.

Bonfoey, the prosecutor, said his office had yet to interview any of the men who underwent the procedures.

“I haven’t talked to any of the victims, so I can’t tell you why they would want this,” he said.

The six victims identified so far are not from western North Carolina, and at least one is from outside the country, lawyers said.

The Asheville Citizen-Times reported that Sciara identified himself as “Master Rick” on an S&M Web site, Collarme.com. In an online profile published by the newspaper, Sciara posted a photo of himself in leather chaps and wrote that he had two slaves — Danny and Bob — and was searching for more.

“This is NOT a game with me, I live this lifestyle,” he wrote. The profile has been removed from the site.

Reeves is pictured in leather shorts on the site in a profile for “dungeonslavedan.”

Danny Reeves

“Am fully versed in all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle as well as being into wrestling and boxing,” his profile reads.

Bill Leslie, a lawyer for Reeves, insisted that his client had “absolutely nothing to do with” the surgeries, but asserted that the castrations were not related to sadomasochism.

“Our position is it’s certainly not a sexual gratification thing,” he said. Asked if they were performed on men seeking sex changes, he said, “Our position is that’s not the reason either.”

He declined to elaborate.

Investigators are still reviewing evidence and may file additional charges if they find other victims, Bonfoey said.

“We don’t know if there are any more at this point,” he said.

Bill Jones, the lawyer for Mendez, said it was incorrect to refer to the castrated men as victims.

“I would hesitate to use that word. Even what the police are saying is that this was consensual,” he said.

Lily and I have been sick with a bad cold for the last week and a half for like the third time this year, all of last year we both got sick once perhaps. Lily managed to turn hers into a sinus infection. It’s those damn little kids that live up the street, they are fircken breeding grounds for infections.
If anyone who reads this and is the in the medical field and you haven’t decided what you are going focus on during you medical career, might I suggest curing the common cold. How hard can it be? They cured the common polio, chicken pox, even the black plague us under control, yet the cold that can strike you down at anytime remains impossible to cure. You guys are obviously not trying.
I look forward to your success and please, hurry up; I am running out of Kleenex.

Go Titans–draft the vandy QB

It has been awhile, I know. I have two reasons, I recently re-addicted myself to Civ 3 which if any of you have had to quit this debilitating affliction then you know my pain. You promise yourself you will just play for a few minutes and then BAM you have ruined your marriage because you were playing civ instead counseling your wife after her beloved blue devils lost to LSU in one of those defeats that will forever haunt the Devils.
The other reason is that I have been reading I am a Japanese School teacher (http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html) and trying to practice my kancho assassin moves. Read it and you will know what I mean. Between those two things my blogging got axed, I am a jackass but I didn’t think anyone was reading so boo on you for not writing anything in the comments.
I do have one bit of that damn dog related news: Sam, the cover dog of this blog has yet another medical affliction, he has a weird genetic mutation that makes his urine far more acidic than it should be (5 verses 6.5–you chem buffs know this is a big difference). I think of it as genetic clap because it burns when he pees, and when dogs are uncomfortable when they pee they do it in the house to let you know. Thanks Sam. It also means he has a higher chance for stones (which would require costly surgery to fix) and he needs special food which it was surprising to learn is twice as expensive as the regular stuff. Thanks Sam. You may remember this is the same dog that had undiagnosed mange when we got him, was misdiagnosed with food allergies (another special expensive food required) until all his hair fell out. I am honestly expecting an alien to pop from his chest any day now. That damn dog, why do I love you so and why are my creidt card mysteriously maxed out?

Go Titans

Really tired.  Vixen and I went ice skating today for shits and giggles, Lily used to be something of a skater but hurt herself at some point and stopped.  Playing a sport, getting good at it, getting injurd and then never playing the sport again is a bit of pattern for my vixen but that is a conversation and not a blog.  Anyway for those who know me I can play alot of sports, I am coordinated, and not the least bit modest.  I can snowboard, I can play soccer, I can ski, I can swim (slowly), I cannot skate.

After going around the rink about six times and getting past repeatedly by many of the eight year olds who were attending the birthday party at the rink I began to think that perhaps skating was perhaps not my thing.  My ankles hurt, my calves burned, and vixen was in front urging me on…while skating backwards.  It was humiliating.

We’re going again next week.
Go Titans.

Honestly who cares about the pro bowl? I am a huge NFL fan and I can’t ever make myself interested enough to watch at all. All the other major sports all star games are great fun (or at least mildly amusing) but the NFL pro bowl just sucks ass.

By the way Vixen was placed on the wait list on the floor she wants to nurse on (sounds dirty if you ask me), so if you see Nurse Vixen (and no she won’t wear the paper hat so don’t ask) or someone who looks like her, give her a little wink wink to let her know you care.

Go Titans

Nostalga is such a odd thing. Lets me be honest I was never all that fond on the Tauras, its radio sucked, my grandmother owned it previous to me and you couldn’t take it over 55 without the dash board shaking more than a gut of a fat hawai’ian belly dancer. And yet in rereading the poetry written by my bootylicious wife who destroyed the damn thing and listing to good music (Lady Smith Black Mambazo) I feel myself missing the stupid hunk of junk and wishing it were still siting in the driveway as like a before picture of one of those cars that hangs out on cinder blocks in every good southerns yard. Point is, given the right ambient enviornment everything can see peachy in the past precisly because it is in the past. I’m rambling.

Go Titans

The first vehicle I owned, the car I drove to and from the first adult job I ever had, the babe magnet that couldn’t do 60, had no radio or cruise control and that drove me home from college; died a painful death last month at the fender of a lincoln town car operated by an elderly woman who couldn’t see in the dark who was driving at night in the pouring rain. Thank you AARP. I wanted to say something nice about my fallen and esteemed chariot, but alas I could not see through the tears to reach the keyboard so I invited one Mrs. Lily Gillmor, the murderer, to compose an little something for the tauras, enjoy:

Ode To The Taur-ass

On a cold winter day out in the Midwest,
A young man called on a car to begin a new quest.
He had it delivered from a state sunny and hot,
And it arrived in 7 days to a Wisconsin parking lot.
He stood with his girlfriend and they stared at it with glee,
As this was his first very own car you see.
They jumped in the used car to admire its glory,
(The absence of amenities is not an important part of this story).
The first big adventure was spring break of ’02,
When a snowstorm hit and the young man and his girlfriend learned something new.
Even if you think a car’s quick and spry as a fox,
60mph winds and snow will push that car into a mailbox.
The damage was slight, nothing more than a crack,
And only a few minutes were spent in the State Trooper car, way in the back.
From there they drove it to Madison, Racine, and Chicago,
Did it really matter that the air in the tires looked low?
The next big adventure was a trip home to Nashville,
But what did the girlfriend and her sister see over the hill?
The young man and the car with a blown out tire,
But his love of the car had never been higher.
The couple got married and moved further east,
And it soon became apparent the wife liked the car least.
She slowly began discussions of the end,
But the young man refused those discussions of his friend.
Then one fateful day their truck sprung a leak,
And the couple was excited to find it could be fixed that same week.
Off to the dealership they drove, car behind truck,
And going 70 mph on 40, the young man realized, F*#%.
The wife may be right the car’s end is in sight,
Little did he know its end was going to be that very night.
As the couple drove back home in the car,
The young man admitted the end wasn’t too far.
They peacefully agreed to sell in the summer,
And joked of replacing the car with a Hummer.
That night around 7 the wife went off to a bookstore,
The rest of the evening has become family lore.
As the wife went through a stop sign (her right of way)
An old lady in a Lincoln ruined her day.
In the blink of an eye and family history in the making,
The old lady slammed into the car without ever braking.
The glass shattered all around as the car spun like the wife’s head,
And in a few short seconds the car was now dead.
The husband was eventually able to get there,
And showed his wife he really did care.
For he was so grateful she was alive,
And for a few minutes didn’t care the car didn’t survive.
Now there’s been a replacement with a car that is new,
But Taurus, you know we’ll always miss you.